Move On

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RT @valdyabara: If you had that one person who just vanished in order to move on from you, just so you know that person was into you that much

 

I remember the first time I was taught about this fact. A male best friend, told me this in order to console me when I was ranting to him about an ex boyfriend who instantly removed me from Facebook and unfollowed me on Twitter, merely two days after a break up.

I was pissed. I was hurt. I was disappointed.

I think it was more because of my ego. I just couldn’t accept him acting as if he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. 

But well, few days later, i moved on. I still followed him on Twitter for quite a while, until I finally unfollowed. No, I didn’t unfollow because it was too hard for me to bear his tweets. No, I merely unfollow just because what he says/tweets don’t really matter for me anymore.

 

But it was weird.

When I saw the quote, the person that popped up automatically into my head is not this ex. It’s a different ex. The one that still refuses to talk to me. 

I know he has moved on. He has a new girlfriend, and they looked quite happy. I am still hotter than the girlfriend (OK, I am a girl. I gotta have some vanity here), but hey, she’s the one getting the guy. She still wins. Or maybe she doesn’t. Maybe she’s the unlucky one. *AHAHAHAH i just can’t help throwing this in*  

I don’t know, a lot of part of me still hopes we can talk again. Not so we can rekindle the lost fire or whatever, but simply so we can finally be friends. But i know he is not that kind of guy. When we were dating, he also cut off ties with his ex girlfriend that he dated before me. He even told me stories about how one or two of his girlfriend became some sort of stalkers (the suddenly-i-found-her-in-my-bedroom-closet kind of stalker, or i-traveled-across-south-east-asia-and-she-sort-of-followed-me-by-visiting-the-same-locations-after-i-arrived-in-one-place kind of stalker).

OK I gotta be honest here.

Maybe I want to talk to him more because I am looking for an answer, rather than a friendship. Maybe these girls were also looking for answers too. And thankfully I haven’t been that desperate, to go that far while trying to find answers (oh people, please slap me if i do hahahah). 

I want to know what actually happened.

I want to know whether that was real.

I want to know whether I should categorize what we had as “something-to-remember” or as “oh-that-stupid-mistake-when-i-haven’t-known-better”.

Whether to remember him as a decent guy that I mistreated because I was occupied with my own insecurities, fears and issues (if this is the case, I shall feel guilty and I owe him a decent apology) or as oh-that-bastard-who-just-tried-to-get-into-my-pants-while-using-relationship-as-a-trap (if this is the case, I shall feel lucky and the next time I talked about him I am just gonna refer him as “yea-that-sneaky-bastard”)

Yes, a little more than a year later, I am still pondering on these questions.

 

His face still shows up sometimes, I have to admit. Memories of him still popped up (stupid? i know, right). But I have been trained very well to just ignore these.

Some part of me (the vain one, I suppose) secretly hopes that he doesn’t want to talk to me because he was into me that much. 

Ah. Even now when I write I know it’s very unlikely to happen. HA.

 

So, dear you, wherever you are (but you know I am in Singapore now hahahah) – hope we can talk again someday.

Yes. I am still waiting for that day.🙂

 

*just ignore these posts. lately i have so many random thoughts and this is just one of them.😀

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