Romanticism Freak?

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is there such thing as romanticism-freak?
seriously.
is there such thing?

Kalau ada, seperti saya salah satu pengidap.
muWAHahahahah.
tambah banyak aja “penyakit” saya.

seperti definisi commitment freak yang berarti seseorang yang TAKUT berkomitmen, romanticism freak berarti seseorang yang TAKUT sama hal-hal berbau romantis.
sama hal yang menye-menye.

someone once said, “Kemenye-menyean is a guilty pleasure. It’s nice and frightening at the same time.”
and i said AMEN to that.

bisa jadi karena saya ternyata termasuk control-freak. i like to be in control. i like to be able to predict the outcome of things.
however, there’s ALWAYS something unpredictable, uncontrollable in romanticism.
romantisme cenderung memicu reaksi yang sulit dipegang dan dikendalikan.
and that freaks me out.
hahaha.

ceritanya baru-baru ini saya dekat sama seseorang. it’s something that’s actually bound to go nowhere (karena kita berada di posisi yang sangat berbeda dalam hal memulai hubungan) tapi sebenarnya saya cukup menyukai kedekatan itu. AT FIRST.
like every woman in this world, i like being adored. i like to hear all those sweet things. i like being treated specially.
pendek kata, ternyata saya memang senang digombali dan di-pamper oleh lawan jenis (hahaha), dan dia memberikan semua itu.
he gave me, romanticism.

it gets quite complicated (or perhaps, i am the one who make it complicated), when instead of enjoying it, saya mulai panik. romantisme yang dia berikan mulai memicu reaksi yang tak seharusnya (mulai ada kupu-kupu berterbangan di perut, and that’s NOT supposed to happen!).
saya pun ketakutan sendiri.
alhasil saya jadi nggak jelas apa maunya.

he asked me to enjoy the process.
to not take the romanticism out of the whatever-ship we’re both in.
but i just couldn’t do that.
sebabnya bisa ditebak : i am too afraid ( or too rigid) to let myself be swept away by something unpredictable.

puncaknya adalah, i asked him to tone down the romanticism (so we both can ignore it. oh well, okay. so I CAN ignore it hehehe) – and when he does, saya-nya yang kehilangan.

BUSET.

and this has made me wonder.
will i be this freak out if it’s with someone else?
someone who’s more eligible?
someone who likely can be part of my future?

well, i certainly hope so.
karena kalau nggak,
KAPAN PACARANNYA DONG?

mwhahahahahah!

*i start to think that i’ve blabbered too much on this blog. oh well. gotta make sure any prospective male doesn’t read this blog until at least four months knowing me. hahaha!*

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