Cure for the Cranky(s)


hari ini mood yang agak berantakan bisa sedikit tertolong karena beberapa tulisan kutipan percakapan betulan yang didengar di New York di bawah ini :

Plus Her Status Updates Are More Interesting Than Ever
Graduate student #1: Should I remove the dead girl from my Facebook friends? It’s kind of sad when she comes up.
Graduate student #2: No.
Graduate student #1: Why not?
Graduate student #2: Wouldn’t it be even sadder if she was dead and had no Facebook friends?

Location : 114th & Amsterdam

My Personal Carbon Offset
Bimbette: Well, the human brain weighs 3 lbs.
Friend: So?
Bimbette: So, I’m not really 110. I’m really 107. If you don’t count my brain.

Location : A Train

 …in South America!
Flight attendant to passenger wearing a necklace of Africa: That’s a pretty necklace. What state is it? Texas?
Passenger: Actually, no. It’s Africa.
Flight attendant: Oh! It’s not a state, it’s a country!

Location : LaGuardia Airport

From Every Other Kid in the Shoe
Four-year-old boy: You’re so mean to me, mama!
Mom: Yeah, I get that all the time.

Location : Commodities Natural Market, 10th St & 1st Ave

Says She Loves to Fuck, but Hates to Walk
Boyfriend: So I think my mother is sleeping with the guy who lives around the corner from me.
Girlfriend: Your mom is so good at stuff like that.

Location : 6th Ave & 14th St

Who’ll Have the Last Laugh When the Messiah Pops Out?
Girlfriend: I’m not feeling so good.
Boyfriend: Why? What’s wrong?
Girlfriend: I feel queasy and dizzy.
Boyfriend: What if you were pregnant?
Girlfriend: By what? Immaculate conception? Or your finger?

Location : 13th St & 4th Ave

Word to Your Mom
Middle aged white woman on cell: Okay, mom. Go back to watching Snoop. Yeah, I know you love him. Okay, have fun watching the D-0-double g! Bye.
Random passerby: Best. Conversation. Ever.

Location : Upper West Side

Bill Cosby Started Out the Same Way
Girl #1: Oh, I like your sweater!
Girl #2: Oh, thanks, my mom gave it to me. You know it’s funny, she gave it to me a few months ago because she said New York winters are cold and I have nothing that’s wool. I was like, “Mom, you cannot seriously expect me to wear this for real.” Last week I wore it as a joke, but then everyone was like “That sweater is so cool!” so now this time I’m wearing it for real.
Girl #2: Good decision.

Location : Classroom, Fordham University

And I Always Get Stuck with the Bill

Frustrated looking suit: Okay, well, how about the duck? It looks good.
Vapid looking hottie: I told you! I do not eat seafood!

Location : Gramercy Tavern, Union Square

Then Me First, Bitch
Young guy, trying to allow older woman to get in line first: Ladies first.
Old woman: I’m not a lady.
Young guy: Oh.

Location : Office, 54th & 6th

 It’s $10 Extra If You’d Prefer Dragon’s Pee
Customer getting tattooed: What’s in that spray bottle?
Tattooer, holding bottle that says “soap” on it: Unicorn milk.

Location : 13th Street

Let’s Just Go to Prada and Pet the Leopard Print
Five-year-old girl: Mommy! Taking the train is fun! It’s like going to the zoo! (points to several rats on the tracks)
Mother: Yes darling, just remember it’s not a petting zoo! (frantically pulls her daughter away from the platform).

Location : Pacific St N Line

And They Can Afford to Breed With You
Female law student in interview suit: I just get along with older white guys. We click. Women, younger guys, no so much.
Fellow law student: That’s because you’re fertile.

Location: Fordham Law School

How Come Math Majors Are Always the Slowest to Understand This Concept?
Nerdy guy: I don’t understand what the significance of the number 69 is. Can someone explain it to me?
Girl: You go to NYU and you don’t know that?
(nerdy guy shakes his head)
Girl: To put it bluntly, it’s two people giving each other head.
Nerdy guy: Wait, but what does that mean?
Girl: Oh my god…I can’t tell you that now. You’re the most innocent guy here. It would be like killing a unicorn.

Location : Kimmel Center, NYU

It’s Like She Doesn’t Think It’s Our Business!
Waitress with thick accent: Jennifer Lopez, she pregnant again?
Hostess with equally thick accent: Yes, think so.
Waitress: She never tell anyone!
Hostess: I know, she keeps secret.
Waitress: She go on the talk show. They ask her all the questions. “Are you going to have a baby?” All she do is laugh. She just laugh! She never says anything! She never answers!

Location: Lindy’s Resteraunt

What Happens When You’re Conceived During Doggy-Style
NYU chick #1: What kind of dog is that one? (points towards woman with a bundle in her arms)
NYU chick #2: That’s a baby.

Location: 59th St

Back Up– You’re from the South?
Upset man: Wow, you lied to me about everything. I don’t know anything about you. (pause) Is there anything you didn’t lie to me about?
Liar girl: Just one thing, I really am from Georgia.
Upset man: (eyes widen)
Liar girl: And I don’t have an STD! Seriously! No, really. Seriously.

Location: Cafe Orlin, East Village

Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can’t, I already had sex with three guys today.
Location : Grand Central

Girl to friend: I’m really worried about her. I think she has a serious case of slutism.
Location: 66th & Columbus

Teenage boy on cell: She’s still sleeping with my brother. I mean, my brother is sleeping with like ten other girls…but she’s in his regular rotation.
Location : Starbucks, Montague Street

Six-year-old girl to middle-aged passenger: Well, I’m Jewish, but my parents are Aries. So I’m not really sure what that makes me.
Location: Amtrak

others can be read on :
(nemu link ini di

sumpah lucu-lucu banjet ya ..


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