ask, and ye shall receive

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It’s been a while since the last time I asked.

For quite a while, I’ve never really asked for something i really wanted, since I realize I hadn’t been a good child myself.
After all the bad deeds, asking something I really want from Him seems a bit too much of a hypocrisy, and i don’t want to be that kind of person. 
so there, I tried not to ask too much.

i try to hold on to that faith,
that in this life, I will only get things that are truly given for me
i tried my best to fight for things i really want,
but i know in the end, if it’s really not meant for me
i will not get it anyway.

kalau nggak dapet, berarti bukan rejeki, – i often say.

but then,
this week i found two things i really want.
i know, i have done my best effort to fight for those things,
and there’s nothing more I can do.

ask, and ye shall receive.
that’s a phrase that’s been repeated over and over again since i was a child.

so there, I finally asked.
exactly like a bad child,
who is being impolite by asking for a gift from Santa Claus despite all his bad behavior.

i feel so guilty to ask,
but really, i don’t know what else to do ..
i want those two things so damn much.

two things, two chances.

but then again,
kalau nggak dapet, berarti bukan rejeki.

ah, i don’t know.
i am too scared to have any expectations.

– tulisan ini bukan pembenaran, apalagi pengajaran. tidak bermaksud mengatakan apa yang benar dan apa yang salah. hanya menuliskan isi hati dan kepala –

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