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I have been looking for answers.



So far all i got was mixed
signs, it’s not as clear as before. There’s no voice from above that
told me to hold on. There’s no answer that told me to hang in there.
But there’s also no answer that told me to let go.




I have been letting many
people involved me in their brainstorming conversation. I have no
resolutions. I have not decided anything yet. I want to see where life
and fates take me. So far it only takes me around. To see both
possibilities. To explore all the pros and cons of both ways.




Perhaps this is the turning point.

A point where I have to
change. To change something I have been believing for the past four
years. Four years which were defined for me, without me realizing it.
Without me knowing anything about it. While I completely realize that
things could have gone very differently. I know I would choose that
path if I had known its existence four years ago.


But I did not know.



It’s there. Only few vague clues, too vague to comprehend. And I thought it was too impossible to come true.

So all I did was following where the other path leads me.

Right to this day.



Still wondering why I should follow this path, while I could have followed the other.

I know how much my life
will change if I follow the other path. That path then defines my life
for the next four years, until this day.




Four fucking years.



And after everything ..

Was I meant to lose it all now?

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