Today I found out that my bestest bestfriend has…

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Today I found out that my bestest bestfriend has decided to stay in Beijing for at least, a year.
She was there for a visit, and due to sudden revelation of her life, she decided to extent her visit and then decided to start her language school five months earlier than she planned, because she simply cannot handle the fact she must face if she returns to Jakarta.

Well, it simply isn’t enough when after having relationship with a guy for almost 10 years, you just found out that there’s a huge possibility that your bf has changed. Drastically. And the changes left you no room in his life.

She buzzed me on Wednesday, asking me to open this certain profile on friendster. It was, in fact, her bf’s secret profile, which proves our suspicions. We even become more sure, when she texted her bf abt this profile – and an hour later, both of us realized that the profile has been modified, the pictures are all deleted. Her bf was shocked receiving her text, went panicked and modified the profile – when both of us are still online.

She had decided to extend her visit in Beijing, since she’s not ready to return to Jakarta to face the truth.

No, not yet.

It was hard for her, and it’s hard for me to give her support through YM … I called her, and we talked for several minutes. Damn, it hit my bestfriend really hard. Well, i can understand that fully … I’ve been knowing her since highschool, and ever since the first day I met her, she’s already with this guy. And I’ve known this guy as well, like I know both of her parents. They’re always an item. They’re always together – and all of us were just like, waiting for them to be married. All of us were thinking that the future has already spreadt open in front of her, and all they need to do were deciding to do it.

but then few weeks ago, I heard that they almost break up.
It’s like an alarm for me. I know there must be something really wrong happened, and I wanted to be there for her. It wasn’t easy suiting both of our schedule, but I managed to sleep over at her house and listen to all her stories.
Gladly, things have smoothen up when I slept over there. My bestfriend and her bf had talked it out, and figured things out. At least that’s how it seemed. And at least that’s the point of start over for them, and I hope things will get better soon.

However, it wasn’t that easy. Things continued to worsen, her bf doesn’t seem to change much. The suspicion remains, and my bestfriend tried hard to figure out what really happened.

Until last Wednesday, when that profile revealed.

It shocked her, it put her into miseries she never imagined before. And there’s nothing I can do here, while trying my best to be here when she’s buzzing me at YM, at least I can always lend my ears, fingers to write replies – so I can be there for her in this hard times.

But then she decided to start her language school one term earlier, that means she’s not coming back for at least, 6 months or 1 year later.
I understand her decision, really, I love her and I want the best for her.

But I cannot deny that I really miss her.

She’s the bestest bestfriend I’ve ever had, my best galpal – I am not easy having girl bestfriend, and she’s the only one whom I can tell everything to. She’s the one who understands who I really am, holding me together when I am at the brink of desperation and at the same time, reminding me to stay within the limits – not to go overboard when I am having that repetitive period of having tendencies to do something crazy.

Now when she’s gone …

there won’t be 24 hour call for occassional urgent talk about love, life and even lust …
there won’t be sleepovers, where we usually chat until late at night ..
there won’t be sex, guys and affairs discussions we usually have …
there won’t be 24 hour support hotline that I can call anytime I need it …

Put … I really miss you.
(And now I feel like crying again. Dammit. Silly me)

Anyway, i know this is the best for you.
And it’ll be selfish if I say that I need you here, since you need this breakaway to escape all the pain and troubles waiting for you in Jakarta. I love you dear friend, and I’ll try to hold on without you …

Hope you can recover soon there, there’s nothing make me happier than seeing you get yourself back together again. You know what happened isn’t at all your fault. And I really wish you can learn to accept and let go .. I don’t want you to ruin your life because of this. You’ve got a lot of things for you in the future … the best is yet to come, and you shouldn’t miss any of it.

So, take time to mourn, take time to recover.
Then, get yourself back together and move on with your life.
I’ll wait for you on the track.
(I’ll be here, within a whisper distance from you – s0, just whisper if you need anything)

CS

People leave, People change ..
and I am still here, trying to hold on ..

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